Peter DeSantis ’19
It is Sunday afternoon, and I just remembered I signed a three-article deal with The Rubble. Because I will probably be busy watching Criminal Minds during the week, I have decided to start my second article today. So now, let me formally introduce myself and Chapter 2 of The Holy Morning Trinity.
Hello to all my fans, and welcome Chapter 2. Because I’m on break, I am not yet used to forming sentences and writing well, so forgive me if my writing is not its’ usual lush and tender style, flowing off the page like gravy onto a piece of turkey. I guess this will be good practice for the entire Gov essay I have to write tomorrow. Thanksgiving Break is a time to be thankful for what you have, reconnect with family, but perhaps most importantly, it’s a time to catch up on sleep. Sleeping in every day of break is great, however, the first morning back I guarantee you will extra tired. Your body has gotten used to the copious amount of sleep received over break and is simply not going to be able to function correctly when you suddenly wake up at the crack of dawn. So, why did I waste my valuable time to google that information you might ask? Because it makes me look like a great writer. Anyways, the only thing in the morning that can ease the tiredness is coffee and food. As I’ve said before, there are several different places to get coffee from, and by several, I mean three. Last time I went over the highs and lows of Dunkin’– today I will be discussing Brew Haha.
There are at least three Brew Haha’s I know about– one in Trolley Square, one on Concord Pike, and one in Greenville. For this article, I will be talking about the Brew Haha in Greenville, the one nearest and dearest to my heart. Unlike Dunkin’, Brew Haha has ample parking space, sharing the lot with the likes of Rita’s, Starbucks, and Cromwell’s. If you’re running late to school, you can skrrt into the lot and quickly find a spot to park. This is perhaps Brew Haha’s greatest success, as trying to find a spot to park can eat up a lot of time in the morning. The location is also possibly the biggest downfall. That doesn’t really make any sense, but let me try to explain. Because the parking lot is so enormous, it attracts quite literally everyone. This combined with the fact that it’s located in the heart of Greenville makes for one very crowded area. Many times I have gone in hoping to be quick, and instead got stuck waiting in line for five-plus minutes. Also, I don’t know about any of you, but when I go in there, I ALWAYS see someone I know. Sometimes it feels everyone I have ever met since birth agreed to go to Brew Haha the same day as me. Every time I go in I brace myself for whatever cumbersome morning interaction that will inevitably happen, whether it is a childhood friend I have not seen in 16 years or an old teacher. One time, I saw a total of nine people I knew (I counted). I felt like I was in a crossover episode or something. So– the point is Brew Haha is very popular amongst all walks of life, and you will most definitely see someone you know while ordering your drinks. This can be distracting– a long conversation is the last thing one needs in the morning whilst on their way to school. Though many people come through that white wood and glass door, worry not about space, as ever since they moved locations, there has been an ample amount of seating no matter how many people there are. The ambiance is some of the best around, and there are truly few things better than sitting down with your bagel and coffee in front of you, surrounded by hipsters and candlelight. It lacks the institutional feel both Starbucks and Dunkin’ have, and makes you feel somewhat at home.
I do not mind seeing most people in Brew Haha, and I hope no one I have seen there takes my semi-harsh words to heart. And, if you happen to see me in Brew Haha, I will gladly say hello and will not get angry! Thank you that is all.
A smaller detail, but important nonetheless, is that when you turn onto Kennett Pike, heading for Tower Hill, you turn right. Now, for the freshman, sophomores, and my brother, who do not know how to drive, this is key– because on a right turn you don’t have to wait for a green light, you can just go. This minute (minute as in small- not the time period) detail could save you at least three minutes on your way to school. That being said, Brew Haha’s location is favorable for a quick in-and-out, and you will always be guaranteed a parking space and a quick exit.
FOOD AND BEVERAGE
Brew Haha is a quality establishment. Out of the three places I will be discussing, there is no argument that Brew Haha has the best food. This can be attributed to the fact that it is not a chain like Dunkin’ and Starbucks are, and they actually put great love and care into their food. It’s also literally a restaurant… so there’s that too. The thing about massive chains like Starbucks and Dunkin’ is that they know how many people will come in every day, and they know how much food they need–most likely having a supplier ship them frozen goods to be heated up in the mini ovens, such as breakfast sandwiches and hash browns. Brew Haha, however, does not get all their food sent to them pre-made and frozen, and instead, make it in-house.
The quality of the food at Brew Haha is top tier, and I recommend going there in the morning if you just really want some good food. HOWEVER– as said in my last article, Dunkin’s food isn’t the best, but it’s quick. Contrastly, the food at Brew Haha is great yet it takes a long time to prepare, mostly due to the fact that it’s made fresh. So before deciding on Brew Haha, ask yourself– “Is this bacon egg and cheese I want really worth a potential late?” If yes, then go for it. If you’re worried about the late, make sure to wake up early enough to get your food with enough time left to get to school. As said before, Brew Haha does not get shipments of a whole lotta food before every new week, which is mostly a good thing. However, I cannot tell you how many times I have walked in and had my heart broken, realizing that they are out of cinnamon rolls (and bagels). I am sure many go through the same pain as me. Sure, the food is delicous, but there isn’t much of it– they go for quantity over quantity, which is fine I guess if you like getting up early. But for everyone else, it sucks. When I go into a coffee place at eight in the morning I expect to have a good amount of options. Am I entitled? Am I just grumpy right now? Not sure. All I know is that they gotta step it up and get more food.
Now for the drinks. Brew Haha has recently converted from a small coffee shop into a much larger space, where they are now focusing on their food services. From what I can tell the quality of drinks has not suffered all too much. I really do not have any complaints with Brew Haha in regards with their beverages. Everything is pretty good– not too sugary, not too watery, not too hot. Rather than bore you all with other ways to say the drinks are good, I’ll leave it at that.
To sum it up, Brew Haha is a solid selection for a morning coffee trip. You’re pretty much guaranteed a parking spot and it’s on the way for a lot of people. Furthermore, the right turn out of the lot makes for a quick exit if need be. The low points of Brew Haha include the speed at which they run out of food and the time it takes for them to prepare it. Do not let that distract you from the fact, however, that out of the three places, Brew Haha does, in fact, have the best food. Another downfall of Brew Haha comes with the sheer amount of familiar faces you will undoubtedly see when you walk in. Again, I personally do not hate everyone I see, it’s just that sometimes I do not feel like wasting time and talking to them early in the morning. I cannot stress enough that in the morning timing is everything. The interior, however, is quite nice and is a great place to wait for your slowly prepared food.