Carly Cushman ’17
In dedication to the great queen B, whom I may or may not be missing the Forum to go see in concert, I would like to explain why Beyonce and I are long-lost siblings, and how other than our names and age we are the exact person.
- We dress the same
- Though I’ve mostly grown out of it now, I was the queen of outrageously classy outfits. Like, what is more classy than a pith helmet and Mardi Gras beads. Who could not ask themselves “why is she just wearing those items and those items only?” when they find me sitting watching Dora the explorer vigorously. Over time I have realized that I have lost my touch for the naked-chic look because that happened when I was five years old, but I have regained some of her similar styles to date. For example, what about her all-blue outfit that she wore in 2001 in New York with her group, Destiny’s Child? I mostly wear this one when it’s dark outside, and I can’t tell the difference in the color of my pants and shirt in the low light. Still a classic look, though.
- We have equally glorious hair
- Beyonce has the rare head shape that can work almost any haircut. In 5th grade I didn’t brush my hair for a week, causing a bird’s nest to form at the bottom of my neck, which later had to be cut after the hairdresser gave up on trying to unknot it. When she cut it off, I was left with the shortest pixie cut in the world. But that didn’t stop me from entering the classroom with my head up high and confident. People noticed the change for sure, but nobody said anything bad because, just by my attitude, I made it cool. I hope.
- Our dance moves match each other in both style and sex appeal
- If you haven’t seen me dancing in the senior homeroom, you are missing out. Juju on that beat, wip neh neh, formation (by the queen B herself), and plenty other jams show off my amazing talent for dancing. Now, I don’t do ballet, or hip hop or any classes regarding styles of dance; instead, my dance moves are mostly a combination of flailing my arms and legs, vibrant facial expressions and dabbing every 3 to 4 “dance moves”
- We care about our fans
- I love anyone and everyone who gives their time to be with me. It is the nicest thing when people say hi to you in the hallway or tell you great job on the sports field, and so in return, I love doing things for those people. I wouldn’t call them fans; rather, I would call them friends. (wipes tear away)
- Strong independent women
- Being a bad B is hard to do. Beyonce has mad skill not taking anything from anybody, especially from the media. On Twitter she expresses her opinion on controversial subjects that would usually get people in some deep doo doo, but for her, it shows strength. Though my Twitter account isn’t as controversial, nor interesting, I do stick up for whatever I believe in–for example, thinking I’m related to Beyonce when countless people have told me it is impossible.
- Deep passions which we sing about
- Picture this: hot water, soap bubbles, steamy air, and a horrible screaming/shrieking rendition of “Breaking Free” from High School Musical. I’m very passionate about the early 2000’s yet equally as passionate about food. That’s why, if you want to hear my song about Ronald McDonald entitled “disease of the heart” (also named diabetes), call me and I can burn it onto a CD for you to play in the car.
- We are practically movie stars
- Look up on Youtube my name “Carly Cushman”, and there is an array of videos you shall find. First and foremost, campaign videos for the countless times I had run for president in middle school and freshman year of high school. One entitled “my thinking cap”.
- BFFS with the President and First Lady
- It’s a stretch, but in 5th grade my brother wrote to the White House asking for a response regarding climate change (very sophisticated), and he got a reply from the President explaining that he was already working on a solution. So, by association, I am best friends with the President.
- Constantly puts new looks out for the public eye
- By not “trying” with my outfits at school, I have inevitably created the global phenomenon of sport chic. It all started last year, where I found a pair of leggings that had an outside seam that looked like that of black jeans. So, naturally I bought five pairs and wore them to school every day for the rest of the year. Thus, sport chic was created. Socks and sandals are back, people, get on the hot new trend of white tube socks and thick strap sandals.